You’ve been on my mind a lot in the last week
I’ve been having a great time in your city
Or so it seems to the outside world
This is one of the cities you loved
I feel like dancing one minute, then
All of a sudden you are on my mind
And I catch the sobs welling up in my throat
As I’ve reconnected with folks
Most have asked
How it all happened
I’ve narrated it all over and over again
Like a reporter
Tried to ignore the emotion behind it
Say:
“Hmm…yes o…”
My Ghanaianisms peeking through
“It was such a tragedy!”
Sometimes it seems there is a voice-over
I smile when they express condolences
My face belying the pain
That haunts my dreams
You are buried here
I can’t stop thinking about that
It’s like you are here
You are all around me
I see tall Black men with goatees
Lanky and strutting with confidence
Sometimes I do a double-take
Before I remember
It’s not that you left Ghana
It’s not that you broke up with me
You left the physical bubble
Us humans think we occupy alone
You exited this relationship before we had our first spat
Recently I read somewhere
Some love is a black hole
It sucks you in
The two exist oblivious to everyone/thing else
For a long time I remained in this black hole
After a while I knew I wasn’t going to find you
But I didn’t want to face the world alone
I came out…eventually
To lots of love and hugs
Empathetic friends
Concerned family
Slowly…the void became filled up
With my usual busy schedule
But being in your city
The place where your physical body rests
Toys with this void that has now filled up
It doesn’t make me feel guilty for moving on
Just sad…contemplative…reflective
After all the planning we did for our summer in NY
I am living it without you
Physically at least
I keep feeling that in a sense, you called me here
To fulfill a part of our summer plans
Musings of An African Woman 
I can relate to this story
Herta,
Wanna say more?
KK, this is so poignant. I feel your ache in these words. At the same time I’m happy life is going on for you. He is forever a part of you; knowing this will give you the courage to forge on. Be happy, my friend. 🙂
I love that you always reach out and especially love that I got to meet you and hear these words personally.I know that David will forever be a part of my life. The moving on happens in waves. Being back in the U.S. I feel safer and less pressure to move on quickly. It’s as though people give room for the melancholy. The push to be happy is not as pressing.
It is a coincidence that you were led to stay here in the summer before you’re off again. I want to say something cliche like “Life is funny that way” but it is kind of incredible that you’re here…
Thanks Roxanne. I am grateful for your continued friendship through it all.
Those last two lines make me want to cry.
❤